phantasiax

Man, i'm depressed. Honestly, I like this girl named Jessica. Everytime I see her, I think I start to like her a little more. Knowing that she can't ever love me back, really hurts. If your wondering why, it's not cause she has a boyfriend or anything. I mean, well let's see. Girls, usually go with good looking guys or sometimes ugly/fat looking guys. But rarely the average and i'm very average, I guess... But, not really because of that, since I really have nothing special about me. Nothing that really makes me stand out, besides being smart (which isn't a super great thing, that'll get lots of girls). Also, I have way to many faults. I mean how many girls would like average guys, nothing really special, an insomniac (forgot how to spell), has some weird eating disorder/problem, color blind, scared of the dark, huge pervert, selfish, huge liar, and etc... Of course, there might be a 5% of girls maybe... But not to mention how i'm very shy to talk to girls and that i'm incredibly shallow. So the small small 5%, unless there pretty = none. So basically I have no chance. It's really depressing being able to love a girl, but never be loved back. It really hurts, and gahz.... Meh, if I ever get rich later in life (who knows). I wouldn't want a girl who'd like me for my money, but instead myself. But then again, myself = total shit (harsh way of putting it, but kind of true). So, oh well... 

So, my basic day yesterday... I went to an, all you can eat buffet, with my family. My cousins and etc... Well, I couldn't eat anything there. So, I sat for 3 hours, then after. My parents bought me Pizza. Well, anyways. I'm really depressed now... I don't think i'll ever get a girlfriend. I mean, I could go out with a girl, but then.. Once she probably learns about my 1249014214214 faults, she'll probably never like me. Anyways,
here's a small list of SOME of my faults.


- Can't eat a lot of things (So yeah, basically take me somewhere. I can't it eat.)
- Selfish/Self centered
- Scared of the dark, T-T scary moviess wahh!
- Lies a lot. ;o
- Not athletic at all.
- Can't do a lot of things... Blahh, basically hvae no life.
- AND A LOT MORE! T-T, to many to list..



Yeah, right now i'm online. Reading manga.. Hmm, I wonder if theirs actually a girl that'll like me, despite my faults. Oh well, probably isn't. Sucks for me ;o.

I sended, Dimas a link to my blog. I figured, he'll call me a nub and laugh at me for going emotional or something. I highly doubt, i'll get a nice reply though & he probably won't read it. Meanwhile, i'm still waiting for Wilson to hurry up and finish playing soccer.  I check Dragonica.iahgames.com, only to see there's no update and no ranking. I'm wondering, who's the highest level Hunter, since I really want to overlevel him. I read, Kristen's reply to my previous pervious entry and see her making a new entry about my previos entry. I thought it was entertaining, but she should read some of the mangas I recommended. Since it's not okay, just to consider, "Blah, probably not good story. Not gonna bother reading." Anyways, it seems Dimas, is either afk or ignoring me. I'm still trying to level in Dragonica, but hard to find people to train with me. I'm reading my buddy chat in Dragonica, to see this guy bitch about his day. Which is funny. He's bitching about a guy leveling so fast, and him needing money. So he's farreling for gold. Which, I think is retarded. He should just buy around 500 potions, both hp and mp. Then just grind at Artis, a lot. By the time he does 3 farrels and earn 6G. He could easily earn over 10G from grinding at that time. Dimas, is also still showing no sign of replying. In the meantime, Kristen just messaged me that, she completed her reply to my previous entry. I click on the link to see what she has to say. Infact, I am intrested in girls. But not so much about love, more of pleasure. Anyways, she mentioned something about girls genitals. I'm thinking, "wtf?" I knowz about girls private area, from porn. I'm thinking about it now, I haven't masturbated today. Also, girls masturbate by rubbing their, clitoris or whatever. I'm just wondering if it feels as good as jacking off. Anyways, i'm still bored right now. Nothing to do really, besides blog about my day. I guess, I better just grind on games. I also am thinking weither or not I got into student council, for next year. I sent in an application, but not sure if I got accepted. I heard this fucking faggot, white guy, named, "Sasha." Got in... I truly hate that guy, he's a huge dick, think's he's cool, say's your mom as an comeback all the time, get in trouble all the time, copies off my answers on tests, tries to copy my homework, think he's funny, seems like a poor dick that doesn't even have paper, inwhich my homeroom teacher forces me to give him some. I'm glad he was only in 2 periods with me, this year. Except, if just 1 period next year. I swear, i'm gonna go fucking insane. I'm also wondering when's my cousin, Tyler. Which comes to my area in California, every year. Since, his grandma lives near me, and he likes to come over here, and hang out. For around 2/3/4 weeks. Except, I don't think, I really like him that much anymore, since we don't hang out that often. He does live in California, just like 3/4 hours away. Idk, really... I only been to his place like 2-4 times and that was like yearss agoo.... Back to me talking about student council. I really want to get in, student council. BUT STILL, FUCK THE GUY SASHA!!! GOD, HE SHOULD GET FUCKING EXPELLED. HE ALREADY GOT SUSPENDED A WHOLE JUNK OF TIME. If he gets in, and I get in. I'm gonna go insaneeee..... Student council, gets to go out of class a lot. Also, my friends also applied. I think it would be nice to have a period with them, through out the year. Since, theirs a chance, we might not get into the same elective next year. We get to choose our elective, but we might not get into the same likes, blahh. To hard to explain. Man, this seems long. Anyways, this will be the last blog for a couple of hours. 

In my next entry, it won't describe the things that happen after this. Just the things that happened at night. Kay, bai.

I thought about how it'll be like to be a girl. How it'd feel to have boobs, & masturbate. Also, what I really want to do, is go to the girls locker room. I'll be able to see a promise land, of girls taking off their pants and seeing their panties. Also, their boobs. Infact, some girls don't even wear bras, when they have some. Which is a massive massive bonus! I'll probably grope a girl breast, and say, "it's gotten bigger!" Man, how hot that'll be. But, if I have any hormones, that'll raise my dopamine level, inwhich I get excited when I see a guy. I probably, wouldn't like that. Besides, I don't even get what girls see in a guys body. But, girls = boobs, hair, body, ass, & vagina. =D! I'm also, currently playing on Dragonica. Kristen, is currently blogging about my previous blog entry. Which, I'm waiting to read, to see what she'll say. I spam, Dimas telling him to, Artis with me. Which is a boss. I need his help, since he's level 34, and I'm merely level 31 at 35%. I want to level more, to be able to get stronger, and reach 3rd job at level 40. Also, to showoff to my friend, Anthony who started playing with me. But recently, haven't been playing. Which, i'm wondering why. He was levels ahead of me, since I went afk a while. But now, I believe he's level 21, currently.  I read, Kristen's blog entry. But, skipped to the end. Reading something about, anime clubs, girls, and pool party. Which is awesome, except the fact that I won't be able to see the girls in bikinis. Also, if Kristen even wear one, probably have nothing, which I would laugh at. My school, doesn't have an anime club, sadly. I'm surprised that girls even join anime clubs, though. I continued reading her entry, just her photoshoping a girl. Which I didn't think is intresting, unless she made her boobs bigger. Anyways, that's my day so far. Once again, i'll post more later? Rofl! I also, post this between a time period, since I won't be able to go in more detail later. 

So, soon. Kristen, messaged, "i love you derek." Which I can never take seriously, considering she has a bf. Either ways, I don't really think I can love. Considering my lonelyness from girls, I previously liked & liked. However, I always wish I could be love or love. Now, I'm currently loggin on, mangafox. To check out any updated manga, while Kristen is messaging me. Which, i'm currently not reading due to the fact, that i'm typing this out. She messaged me, explaining she flunked her math final. Even though she's asian, i'm surprise she's worried about that. Despite the fact, that she doesn't seem to be growing any taller or have any breasts at all. If only, I could fix her faults. Oh well, I find it entertaining to talk to her. Cause, some of her problems relate to mine, or make me feel better. Anyways, I look at mangafox only to see that I can't access my bookmark. Inwhich, i'm unable to figure out what manga has a new chapter. I switch back to Dragonica, to notice that Dimas, was training. I thought to myself, "What a faggot... Said, he was to lazy to train."  I switch to Kristen's conversation, only to see her complaining more about her math final, instead of her breasts & height. I look at my msn buddy list, to see Wilson was online. I spam, "WILLY WILLY WILLY!!!!" & ":O YOU THERE?!" I recieved no reply, I honestly think it's better for Wilson, to get fatter, instead of getting buffier. Since, if he gets hella huge/fat, he can easily ram through soccer players, and knock them down. Also, if he's goalie, easily block the ball. I wonder how he'll look like. I now, and incredibly bored and consider reading some h-manga. But, I don't quite feel horny currently. Inwhich, i'm going to message, Kristen about how read some manga. Which, I figures she'll say, no. She replied, "no thanksss." I figured, "oh well." I'm now going to try to persuade, Dimas to train me.

We'll, that's my day so far. I'll post more later. 

So, my day. I woke up at 9 AM, as I got out of bed. I went to the bathroom and peed. Then, I went to my dad's room and woke him up. Otherwise, if I gamed straight away, he'd think i'll be addicted to it. So, after he woke up. I went to my computer, which was already on, and started the Dragonica launcher. I logged in to see that I was currently level 29, I press my buddy list button to see my friend Dreblade was on. It was around 12 AM, for him. We soon gathered a party and grinded till I reached lvl 30. A girl named, Erruru a battlemage was so pro. I coupled up with her/blind dated with her on Dragonica, so we could use love warp to reach mission maps easily. Not actually a real e-relationship. Anyways, after Dree had to sleep. Erruru and I found more people to party with, and soon reached gained a lot of exp. I also noticed, I wasn't logged on msn. I took a quick glance of my buddy list, & noticed my friend, Kristen wasn't on. So, I couldn't bother her. I soon got back to the game and grinded like hell. Till 12, where my mom soon handed me some macaroni, which I ate, and grinded at the same time. Now, at 1:48 PM, I suppose my dad will be home soon to hand me more food. I wasn't full from the macaroni, exactly... Soon, Erruru had to leave. I didn't found out her name, but I suppose i'll ask her later. I'm now level 31, which then I asked, Dimas (Amato/My Friend) to help train me. He leveled up, inwhich he was lazy. I had to wait till 5 PM, Dimas' time. Since, Wilson was working out till then. Also, I suppose it'll be easier to train with all 3 of us, instead of just Dimas. I'm currently waiting right now, till 2 PM... Also, I see a msn notice with, Kristen logging on. I suppose, i'll now go talk to her and bother her about her day. By saying a casual, "OHAI! :D" She soon responded, "OH okay hey." She then stated, that she had a nightmare and it was about me. I was a little disturbed, considering she never saw me in rl. But then, she explained that it was just me spamming her links and she lagged. I was then, surprised that what she considered a nightmare, was her lagging. While, my nightmares involve gay guys and freaking me out. However, I hardly even dream at all. Besides, erotic dreams, every now, and then. Well, that's my day up till 1:52 PM. I'll continue the other half later.